My first pregnancy was hard, and not just physically, but emotionally. There’s one moment I’ll never forget. I was given a cervical check, and it was one of the most painful things I’ve ever experienced. I didn’t speak up to say no. I actually truly thought I couldn’t say no, and that I had to just go along with whatever my doctor wanted.
But when I met my doula through Mahmee, something shifted. She said one sentence that changed the way I viewed pregnancy forever: “It’s your pregnancy; you’re allowed to say no.”
I’ve always dreamed of having a big family - my husband and I talk about having six kids all the time. But nothing about my first pregnancy went the way I’d imagined.
I didn’t even know I was pregnant until I was two months along, and so I felt completely blindsided. It was months of being emotionally overwhelmed, physically miserable, and totally unprepared.
I didn’t have a birth plan, and I think as a result of that, I didn’t ask questions or push back. I just said “yes, okay” to everything the doctors told me, even when it didn’t feel right or when I was afraid to even think about the pain.
Especially during that first cervical exam, which was painful, invasive, and unexpected. I still remember the pain, and worse, my silence. I didn’t speak up because I didn’t think I was allowed to.
Then, breastfeeding didn’t go the way I hoped, either, and I struggled with it. I didn’t have the support or the information I should have had. I ended up pumping for a full year, which I’m proud of now, but at the time, it felt like I had failed. Like I wasn’t doing motherhood “right.”
Everything began to change during my second pregnancy. This time, when I was offered a cervical check, the memory of that first painful one came flooding back.
And I said no.
Then I messaged my doula from Mahmee, nervously wondering if I had made the wrong choice.
Her response? “That’s totally your right. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”
Wow! I felt this wave of relief. I hadn’t even realized how much permission I was waiting for. That was my aha moment — when I realized I had so much more power in my own pregnancy.
This time, everything was different. From the very beginning, I could feel the difference. I knew I was pregnant almost right away, and it was like my body was telling me, “This time, we’re doing it our way.”
Emotionally, I felt grounded, and spiritually uplifted. Instead of just enduring pregnancy, I wanted to celebrate it. I took videos of baby kicks. I soaked up the little moments. I was inspired, and felt awe - like this baby was proof of something divine.
Most of all, I felt empowered to say things that I wanted to do, and say no to things I did not want to do.
With my doula Angela by my side (and just a message away), I created my first-ever birth plan. I made sure it included things I missed out on the first time, like being there for my baby’s special first bath and getting and giving clear communication from medical staff about everything happening to my body.
This pregnancy didn’t just go more smoothly; I felt like it healed me and helped me move forward.
I also got support from Mahmee’s lactation specialist, Pat, who gave me the tools I wish I’d had with my first baby. During my prenatal lactation appointment, I learned that breastfeeding isn’t just “latch baby and go.” It’s a skill that takes support, before and after the baby.
If my first pregnancy taught me anything, it’s that you must advocate for yourself, because that’s where your power is. It’s also shown me that having help to communicate with your medical team is so important, because that’s how you learn to make your voice heard. These, alongside having valuable knowledge about things like birth plans, and breastfeeding tips, makes all of the difference.
I’m proud of both of my pregnancies, but I’m even prouder of the growth between them. I went from unsure and overwhelmed to confident and in control. And now, with baby number two almost here, I feel very happy and very ready.
I know I want to have more kids, and that makes me happy and ready, because it feels like I truly found my voice and took my power back. I am ready for anything.
